YOU LET JOE GO?! If Joe gets an invite, I definitely should have. He seems like the kind of guy whose mouth gets shockingly dirty after a few drinks. Am I right? You can confirm in a private email if you'd like. If you want to share examples I'll keep them between us.

Hey Barack,
Thanks for inviting me over for a beer tonight, 'preciate it. What did you have? What are your favorite beers? We have some unexpectedly good breweries here, I can deliver if you'd like.
Hope everything went well.

Hey Barack,
Most of the products you use/consume on a daily basis are probably made especially for you. This is not the case in my life. Have you ever found something that feels like it was made for you even though it was not? This is the case with Purex Laundry Sheets.
Seriously, think of the time these could save me. Purex is not paying me to advertise their product to the leader of the free world, I have chosen to do so on my own. However, if you could arrange a way for them to compensate me I would greatly appreciate it.

Hey Barack,
I'm just going to jump into the inappropriate question, how did you pay for graduate school?
I could definitely use some advice on the fund raising front since you and your team are the greatest fund raisers our generation has seen.
Feel free to give me a call anytime.

Hey Barack,
Remember the days when 'Friends' was always on? Seriously, you could turn on the television at any time and catch an episode. Remember how much we hated that show at that time even though we actually loved it? I wish we were still living in those days. I am getting pretty sick of late night episodes of "The Nanny."

Hey Barack,
5 days ago I celebrated my 23rd birthday. I will be kicked off of my parents health insurance at the age of 25.

Yesterday I discovered a weird growth in my knee.

It is probably not good. I am 23 years old. I am relatively healthy. I am terrified of what this could be. I cannot tell my parents as they would worry too much. I do not want them or you to worry, Barack. I will be fine.

On my 23rd birthday my younger brother asked me if I died today would I feel like I had done all that I wanted to do? I responded that I had not done all that I wanted, but I had not wasted any time and with that I was happy. But still, I'd like to not die today.

If this random abscess in my knee kills me, just know that I am happy that you existed. Please also tell my family that I loved them perhaps more than they could know.

Hey Barack,
Though we've only met once, we're on a first name basis. I hope that is alright. Though I have no photographic proof we have met, I will have you know that it is the memory I replay most often as I do not want it to die. I will regale you with my memory vs truth theory later, remind me. It is a theory best discussed after several beers.

The point is: I think a lot.

I think about you a lot.

President Barack, let's be friends?